hi, i’m lindy
i’ve been fueled by something larger my entire life. this mixture of never feeling quite right in the world i was told i was meant to fit into; of feeling, quite literally, called to parts of the planet i couldn’t explain, knowing that some lost piece of me lived there and i needed to find her, to save her, to become her; of needing to learn the answers to the billion questions that lived inside my heart.
i spent most of my childhood and early adulthood struggling to reconcile the magnitude of everything that lived within me—the darkest depths that brought me to the edge of almost taking my own life at the age of twelve, to the highest heights of love and awakening that i truly believe most humans will never have the fortune of experiencing in this lifetime. i am a human who came to this life to feel it all, to experience it all. and that is such a gift, and it is a lot to come to understand and hold.
i learned early on that i felt most true, most me, when i was out in the world with dusty feet and no plan ahead of me. just me and my backpack and the voice in my heart guiding me where to go next.
from fifteen to my early thirties, my life was this yo-yo of working myself to the bone to save up enough money to flee the country, and then leaving my life behind to travel or live somewhere that would fundamentally change every single piece of me. bring me to new heights, new depths. to live another experience that would awaken me more than i could have ever dreamed. and then—after a few weeks or months or years—i would be forced to go back “home” to a life that felt wrong in almost every way, but i was told was meant to be “real” life. it was a cycle of expansion and contraction that was simultaneously incredible to live, and crushing to experience.
every trip would open me up all of the truth of my own being, but i didn’t know how to allow myself to integrate it fully into my existence on this planet. for years, it was like i knew what the answer was, and yet i was still letting all of the old patterns and paradigms lead.
but once you’ve tasted heaven, once you’ve lived truly freely, how do you go back to mundanity?
you don’t. you can’t.
no matter how hard you try, you can never go home again.
four days after my thirtieth birthday, i had my first experience with ayahuasca. all of the pieces of myself that i had been hiding from, all of the band-aids i’d patched over my life to pretend things felt “okay” even though i knew i was not living the life i wanted to truly live, everything got brought to light in a way that i could no longer hide from. i went back to chicago in may of 2021 and started to unravel my entire life, once and for all.
the subsequent three years brought me on a journey back to every, single. place. on earth i had ever left a piece of myself, collecting each fragment and slowly piecing myself together. in the process, i found my way home to my heart and built the life i had always dreamed of.
a life led entirely by intuition. a life where not a single tether binds my heart. a life where i am free, finally, from my own demons.
a life that is truly mine.
it has never been about bucket lists. it has never been about likes on instagram. it has only ever been about finding my way back home.
and home was within me all along.
my journey has been entirely intuitively guided, and it has brought me to the most incredible places and people and moments a human could ask for in this life. and that’s the thing i stress—not a fragment can truly be planned for. we simply have to listen to our hearts and take the leap. i have truly had to let go of everything i thought i knew in order to jump into the flow that life had for me. and the journey has been beautiful beyond my wildest dreams, and it has involved facing every single fear and pain and darkness that lived within me.
and the truth is, there is no way to encompass all of it in words. modernity wants to put everything neatly into boxes, but i have never fit neatly into anything. i am a traveler, yes. but my journey has been about self-discovery, spirituality, and healing more than anything. intentional trips—both in the form of intentional travel and, separately, intentional use of psychedelics—have been my biggest tools for spiritual growth and expansion. they have brought me to deeper states of consciousness, to heightened connection, to awakenings i could never fall back asleep from. they have brought me the other endless amount of tools that i have used to help me put my soul back together from the trillion fragments it had shattered into.
there has never been a plan. there has always simply been the call of my own soul, guiding me on.
if you’d like to hear the whole story, you can find it on youtube or on my podcast.
